Quiz: Are You Sabotaging Yourself?
By · CommentsBy Ann Yaggie, Certified Coach & Executive Consultant
Although it may at first seem difficult to believe, many of us occasionally do things to thwart our own efforts. Do you suffer from:
» Habitual lateness
» Extreme disorganization
» Not following up on sales leads
» Perpetual apologizing
Self-sabotage takes on a variety of guises and affects people of all ages, professions, and economic levels. This nasty habit is actually a silent killer because it often prevents us from living the life we truly want for ourselves.
Are you interested in finding out if you’re stunting your own potential? Take this Self-Sabotage Quiz to see whether you might be working against yourself and preventing your own aspirations from being realized. Answer “yes” or “no” to each of the following questions:
The Self-Sabotage Quiz |
||
| 1. It takes me at least half an hour to locate a document I need to send to someone. | ||
| 2. I can be indecisive and fearful. As a result, chances often pass me by. | ||
| 3. I tend to start projects with great gusto, but have great difficulty finishing them. | ||
| 4. My financial situation is chronically chaotic. | ||
| 5. My actions often jeopardize my relationships, my job, and/or my financial stability. | ||
| 6. I worry a lot about what others think of me. | ||
| 7. I practice compulsive behaviors (excessive eating, unhealthy substances or activities). | ||
| 8. I always seem to be struggling. | ||
| 9. I’ve been told I have a problem expressing anger appropriately. | ||
| 10. I put off things I want or need; Procrastination and reliability are problems for me. | ||
| 11. I’m still not living the life I truly want, and I’m starting to lose hope that I ever will. | ||
| 12. I frequently have the thought that I can’t or shouldn’t do what I really want. | ||
| 13. My relationships tend to eventually fall apart, or I stay in unhealthy relationships. | ||
| 14. When I consider working out, I think about all the things I “should” be doing instead. | ||
| 15. I’m often late to work and late with assignments; this has hurt my career. | ||
| 16. I avoid confrontation and/or fawn over others in order to be liked/win their favor. | ||
| 17. I repeatedly make self-deprecating, belittling comments about myself. | ||
| 18. I know I could do more with my life if I could just get out of my own way. |
If you’ve answered “yes” to three or more of these questions, it’s time to start the journey toward giving yourself a fair shot at making your life what you want it to be.
Self-defeating behaviors often mask a fear of change and growing. When we deliberately hamper our own efforts, we avoid the knowledge that our life is up to us, and that we do indeed get to choose. Just imagine your life if you put as much energy and creativity into manifesting goals as you do avoiding them. It’s not easy to change self-sabotaging patterns, but with time and practice—and a good dose of self-love—it is possible to end a self-defeating cycle and live the life we truly want for ourselves.
Are you interested in a helping hand as you tackle your own self-sabotaging habits? Contact Ann today to learn how coaching can help you to realize your own fantastic potential.
Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications
Role Models Aren’t Just for Kids
By · CommentsBy Ann Yaggie, Certified Coach & Executive Consultant
Role models are supposed to help us become the person we want to be and inspire us. More than likely you can recall some of your most important childhood role models, and maybe even name a few adults ones too. But have you ever considered whether you yourself are taking the steps to be a good role model for others – at home? At work? On the playground?
Let’s push the typical concept of the role model beyond grade school and into the workplace, because working with people you admire and who inspire you can uplift your career and your 9 – 5.
The Good Work Role Model Checklist
(If you aren’t already tackling these things in your career, now’s as good a time as any to start setting an example!
- Have Confidence: This boils down to understanding who you are, what you aim to achieve, and having faith in your skills. Remain true to your values and personality. No one wants to stand behind a wishy-washy character, let alone look to them for guidance.
- Think Uniquely and Accept Exceptions: Who better to look to for leadership than an out-of-the-box thinker? This idea applies to expectations for personalities and social styles in people, as well as an ability to see the gray area in everyday situations. Recognize that each situation and person is different.
- Be Kind to Others: When the pressure is high and the competition is turned way up, it’s too easy to lose sight of the human aspect at work. Never sacrifice another person for work. Make these person-to-person interactions and the support of others your number one priority.
- Shake the Self-Interest: We all want to succeed—this is a given. But what is the point of “success” when it leaves everyone else in the dust? When you notice yourself getting heated about something and really pushing for it, ask yourself what’s really motivating you. If the motivation is self-interest, rethink your goal. If your motivation is group-interest, rethink your approach.
- Be a Doer: People are always afraid to try new things—a new experience can be a little scary and risks failure. But seeing someone you know try something new gives you the confidence to take similar steps. Whether this is a new approach to a common project or an attempt to create a new community engagement initiative, stop talking about it and go for it (and rally the troops to help)!
Making an effort to be a better role model not only helps others to achieve their best, but also helps you to live a more centered and fulfilling life in and outside of work. Think about it as a chance to change playground etiquette for the better!
Lighten Up!
By · CommentsBy Ann Yaggie, Certified Coach & Executive Consultant
Two prime ministers are sitting in a room discussing affairs of state. Suddenly a man bursts in, apoplectic with fury, shouting and stamping and banging his fist on the desk. The resident prime minister admonishes him: “Peter” he says, “kindly remember Rule Number 6,” whereupon Peter is instantly restored to complete calm, apologizes, and withdraws. The politicians return to their conversation, only to be interrupted yet again twenty minutes later by an hysterical woman gesticulating wildly, her hair flying. Again the intruder is greeted with the words: “Marie, please remember Rule Number 6.” Complete calm descends once more, and she too withdraws with a bow and an apology. When the scene is repeated for a third time, the visiting prime minister addresses his colleague: “My dear friend, I’ve seen many things in my life, but never anything as remarkable as this. Would you be willing to share with me the secret of Rule Number 6?” “Very simple,” replies the resident prime minister. “Rule Number 6 is ‘Don’t take yourself so g—damn seriously.’” “Ah,” says his visitor, “that is a fine rule.” After a moment of pondering, he inquires, “And what, may I ask, are the other rules?”
“There aren’t any.”
Rosamund Stone Zander & Benjamin Zander, The Art of Possibility
When I first read the short story above, my initial reaction was delight in the possibility that life could be as easy as simply deciding not to take myself so seriously. Can I actually overcome my troubles and challenges by getting over myself? How wonderful to realize that by remaining calm and cool about the problems that I would have previously lost composure over, I’m actually taking control of my life. If I take myself less seriously, I get to choose the things that get to me, so to speak.
Easy Ways to Lighten Up Your Day – Starting Now
- Accept that you don’t know everything, and begin living your life in a way that reflects this. Too often I watch myself and others run around with minor “master of the world” complexes that get in the way of actually learning and listening.
- Let go of the unnecessary things that weigh you down or cause you too much stress. So you made a mistake on your most recent newsletter or forgot your sister’s birthday. Make amends and let it go.
- Choose how you feel, instead of allowing your emotions to take over. Things (as I mentioned on my most recent Newsletter on Finding Your Center) go crazy. Life is unpredictable. Don’t let life control your mental wellbeing.
- Keep your ego in check. When faced with a stressful interaction, project, or decision, ask yourself “Why do I care about this so much? Is my concern founded on something worthwhile, or something selfish in nature?”
- Make time to reflect on all of the events going on in your life, and stay focused on the major objectives of your work and activities. It’s easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day demands of life when you lose sight of the reason you signed up in the first place. Is something you signed up for no longer providing your with the experience or result that originally motivated you? Perhaps the payoff isn’t balanced by the emotional or energy cost?
If you start to practice just one of the processes for refining your way of looking at life, I believe you’ll find it just a little easier to deal with the next unexpected challenge with a little more levity and composure.
Can You Say “No”?
By · CommentsBy Ann Yaggie, Certified Coach & Executive Consultant
I admire people who seem to have a natural ability to guiltlessly decline requests or offers. As my appreciation for the skill of saying “no” has grown, I’ve also noticed that the people who are comfortable saying “no” are also often better at regulating their own stress and staying calm.
At this point it’s probably obvious that signing up for too many things is the cause of many an overwhelmed schedule. Whether at home, with friends, in the community, or at work many of us suffer from an inability to say “no.” Luckily, this life-balancing skill can be developed with the help of some deceptively simple steps.
Why Do We Resist Saying “No”?
The truth is, many people often avoid saying “no” because they feel that to do so would make them selfish, lazy, or vulnerable. More often than not, these fears are unfounded and unhealthy. Despite these fears, saying “no” can actually be a good thing. It allows us to honor our existing obligations. Instead of cramming more items onto your task list, saying “no” allows you to devote quality time to your preexisting commitments and avoids the stress of an overworked schedule.
Don’t allow a fear of the reaction or opinion of others to prevent you from doing what is best for you—focus on what is necessary to establish your own healthy balance. If saying “yes” might prevent you from feeling happy and balanced, then it’s time to make a change.
When to Say “No”
Here are a few ways to decide what to toss and what to keep:
The Post-It Note Test
I often suggest this exercise to my clients who struggle with schedule overload.
- Write down each task you’re concerned with completing in the next few weeks on a separate post-it note.
- After you have compiled your post-it note tasks, organize these tasks into major categories such as “home” and “work”. Use categories that make sense for what you need to focus on in order to feel successful in the next few weeks.
- Weigh the importance of every task that’s on your to-do list (whether this list is in your mind or on paper).
- Eliminate the post-its that don’t fit into your main categories, or which stand out as obviously unnecessary.
The Stress-to-Yes Ratio
Another easy way to decide if something is yes-worthy is to weigh the stress-to-yes ratio. Is the task worthy of the stress it will cause you? I often find that my initial impulse is to put a lot more effort into basic and unimportant tasks than is necessary.
Give Up the Guilt
Never say “yes” because of guilt or obligation. Living your life like this will only lead to added stress and dissatisfaction.
Step Away and Reflect
If faced with a particularly difficult request that has you on the fence, it’s always wise to allot extra time for reflection as a last precaution. Avoid impulsive responses by taking a step away from the situation to weigh preexisting obligations and feelings. You can “step away” simply by asking if you can respond at a later date.
Do You Know What You’re Worth?
By · CommentsBy Ann Yaggie, Certified Coach & Executive Consultant
In a world of uncertainties and an depressed economy, we have all learned that our employment is not something to take for granted. This having been said, I am not advocating that you head out the door every day at 5 am, work like a dog until 6 pm, and then respond to emails at night and over the weekend. Rather than reacting to current economic instability with an unhealthy life/work balance, consider improving your understanding of your skills, and your ability to relay these skills.
Increased knowledge of your skills and your ability to relay these skills results in:
- Less stress
- A sense of achievement
- Increased job security
- The ability to relay personal worth
- The ability to pinpoint contributions
- Improved leadership
- The self-esteem necessary for real innovation
There are 3 distinct steps to the process of improving your ability to acknowledge and relay your own skills at work.
- Improve Self-Awareness: Understanding your skills requires reflection and an open mind (and ears). Instead of rushing from task to task in an attempt to prove you contribute, schedule some time to consider all of the achievements you already have under your belt. What skills do you have that allowed these successes to occur? Soliciting the input of others such as colleagues, previous employers, working with a coach, or participating in a social style assessment will greatly aid you in this process. Interested in learning how coaching recently changed the life and career of an Operations Director? Click here for her story.
- Determine Brand YOU: You know what you’ve done, but what do you want to be known for? Look to past achievements that demonstrate your desired brand. You will probably discover that a lot of the things you are overwhelmed with trying to accomplish have already been achieved. But how will you be able to realize these achievements if you don’t take the time to review your work and reflect on your impact?
- Prepare for Delivery: You understand the skills you bring to the table. You also understand how these past achievements demonstrate the skills that create your personal brand and make you a crucial member of your organization. All that’s left is to consider how and when you can deliver this knowledge. Look for opportunities to demonstrate your skills. Volunteer for projects that allow you to use your skills or take advantage of a performance review to relay your message.
If you take the time to determine your brand, understand your past achievements, and improve your delivery of these things, you’ll benefit in and outside of work. You will also benefit from an improved sense of internal (YOU know what you’ve got to offer) and external (you relay your value with confidence) sense of security.
Are you interested in a helping hand when it comes to strategically crafting and relaying your personal brand and skills? Contact Ann today!
Operations Director Changes Her Life through Coaching
By · CommentsExecutive Coaching Spotlight #1 by Ann Yaggie, Certified Coach & Executive Consultant
Rebecca had been the Director of a Customer Service Call Center for about half a year when she came to me as a coaching client. Through conversation I learned that she valued having a sense of accomplishment at work, being prepared, and having a bit of controlled fun.
The problem was that Rebecca’s work and life appeared to be at a crossroads that overwhelmed her with its absence of boundaries, seemingly endless amount of work, and lack of department growth. Simply put, she felt like she was looking at 4-5 years of treading water, and she worried she wasn’t able to find balance for herself, let alone model it for her staff.
Through coaching Rebecca hoped to defeat her feelings of overwhelm, develop her ability to strategically say “no”, learn how to set boundaries, and basically just slow down.
No doubt, many of Rebecca’s concerns are familiar to many professionals in today’s competitive world. Many people turn to executive coaches with concerns about making an impact through their career while preventing the feared burnout and preparing at a healthy pace for retirement.
Through coaching Rebecca was able to realize that she was already achieving many of the things that caused her stress. By taking the time to examine her contributions it was clear that Rebecca already consistently surpassed her own work expectations, and the two of us developed a strategy for sharing her tools with staff in a way that benefitted her department and cemented this learning.
Rebecca relayed a pride in her commitment to working with a coach and reported that she felt like she was now in a much better place to pause when necessary. The benefits of her coaching experience were so acute and quantifiable that, when presented with these coaching results, her Vice President even agreed to pay for her coaching.
In Rebecca’s case, coaching was the tool she needed to help herself to manage her own life and the business complexity of the rapid change and massive amounts of information of the 21st century. She reaped huge benefits of coaching because she came to me ready for change and actively engaged in our program and interaction
If you’re interested in learning how executive coaching can help you or others in your organization to develop potential, facilitate a transition, act as a sounding board, address derailing behavior, or take control of the pace and quality of life and work, contact Ann Yaggie today.
Mastering the Work/Life Balance
By · CommentsBy Ann Yaggie, Certified Coach & Executive Consultant
I know that this may not be exactly what you want to hear, but all that work/life balance comes down to is CHOICE! How are you prioritizing your life? There will always be pressure to do more at home, and work, and with friends, and, and, and… regardless of the state of the economy or the latest familial meltdown.
“Work” is often defined as your career and ambition, while your “life” refers to a more complex arena involving health, pleasure, leisure, family, spirituality, and more. No matter how you personally divvy up your energy, attention, and time among these different pieces of your life, it’s essential to acknowledge that a) each person’s balance is unique to them, and b) the way you prioritize your work/life balance is your active choice.
That sense of imbalance in your life often results in unnecessary stress. It’s not always easy to identify the decisions you make concerning your work/life balance, but taking a moment to assess your priorities can completely transform your life.
A poor work/life balance can result in fatigue, lost time with friends and loved ones, and increased/unrealistic expectations. A poor work/life balance is an indicator that you are not actively choosing where and how you are spending your time.
How Can You Take Control?
- Leave work at work: Make a conscious decision to separate work from the rest of your time.
- Say “no”: Quit doing the things you only do out of guilt or false obligation
- Track your time: Keep a log of personal vs. work time for a week. Review this list and eliminate the activities that are non-essential or unsatisfying.
- Schedule downtime like you would a meeting: This can be time with family and friends or just and afternoon to recharge.
- Never skimp on exercising: What’s more important, that you maintain your health or run that last errand?
Interested in learning what your own life balance looks like? Click here to complete a personal assessment wheel.
Are You Waiting for the Facts to Change?
By · CommentsBy Ann Yaggie, Certified Coach & Executive Consultant
Are you choosing to let the poor economy freeze you in place? In September, an extremely thought-provoking and poignant article written by Marshall Goldsmith posed exactly this question to me. The article, titled “Waiting for the Facts to Change”, was published in Talent Management Magazine and dealt with the way a lot of us have chosen to perceive the recession.
How many people (maybe yourself) have you heard mutter the words, “I’ll be OK when the economy improves”? I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve caught myself using this very rationale when faced with my own business challenges. Yes, the economy may very well greatly improve in the future. However, functioning under the assumption that things will go back to the way they were is an extremely dangerous practice. (Even in a good economy!)
When the economy crashed many professionals faced fast and shocking losses. As Goldsmith points out, many of these professionals had never before experienced such a setback, and they were more than a little lost. Many people today seem to be waiting for the facts of today’s job market to change to “something they can understand, something more palatable.” The author suggests that this line of thought is nothing more than wishful thinking. The truth is – things are very unlikely to return to the way they were before the crash.
As Goldsmith suggests, many people have neglected to take action since their loss because often these necessary steps forward feel like steps backward. But, if you’re determined to flourish in the face of this economy, it is essential that you eschew any, as Goldsmith terms it, “benign delusion” about your own status and your previous positions.
Instead of willing the future to be just like the past, it’s time to face the facts of the modern state of the economy and begin the challenge of discovering a solution to today’s reality with an acceptance that things may not ever ‘get better’—that our world will never be exactly the same as it used to be.
If things do get better, you’ll find yourself in a great position to grow and prosper all the more. And, as Goldsmith explains, “If the facts don’t change, you are more ready to face the new world.”
11 Tips for a Happier Work Day
By · CommentsBy Ann Yaggie, Certified Coach & Executive Consultant
We could all use a little more sunshine in the workday, right? Give Monday through Friday a boost with these cheer-encouraging pointers:
- Order yourself a good day every morning. It works for me! Click here for my story
- Eat breakfast. Breakfast gives you energy that lasts until lunch and allows for some necessary meditative time before the start of the commute and workday.
- Tell your negative thoughts to hit the road. Positive affirmations help you to see your day in a whole new light.
- Be active in the morning, afternoon, or evening. Exercise boosts your endorphins, recharges your energy, and lowers stress. Work out before or after work, or take a short walk during your lunch break.
- Don’t mark everything as “urgent” all the time. Instead, inquire as to deadlines and respect your own agenda.
- Connect with the people you work with by adding more human contact to your day. Engaging with others makes the day more enjoyable and worthwhile.
- Fake it until you make it. Smile until your mood follows suit.
- To avoid ruining your mood or building stress. Take a break from a task that’s become too trying. Instead, come back to it later (I promise it’ll be easier).
- Dress comfortably for your day instead of killing yourself to look impressive or fashionable. You’ll avoid the stress and pain that may detract from your job and interactions with others.
- Plan a little activity to look forward to—why not?!
Bring FUN back to work again (yes, this IS possible!). I recently learned the value of brining fun back to work, and you can too!
Listen to you Mother and Get to Bed!
By · CommentsBy Ann Yaggie, Certified Coach & Executive Consultant
Many of you are skimping on your daily allotment of sleep (I know, shocker!). It may seem like there are not enough hours in the day, and that as an Executive you have no choice but to push yourself through a routinely elongated work week. However, assuming that you are more productive by sleeping less may be a flawed way of thinking, and here’s why:
According to University of Minnesota Medical School professor of neurology, Mark Mahowalk, any amount of sleep deprivation will diminish mental performance. “One complete night of sleep deprivation is as impairing in simulated driving tests as a legally intoxicating blood-alcohol level.”
And sleep deprivation doesn’t only impair your cognitive functions, but it also adds stress to your day as you lose more and more momentum and the tasks pile up.
According to the National Sleep Foundation:
- Almost 70% of us get fewer than 8 hours of sleep each night
- 40% of us blame watching TV or surfing the internet for not going to bed before midnight
So, my dear reader, quit pushing yourself through the early morning email check, the late night reading, etc—and sometimes, dare I say it, maybe even take a nap!
Maria Connor of FastCompany.com offers these sleep-supporting tips:
- Think about Tomorrow: Perhaps you justify lacking certain skills at 1:00 a.m., but what about the next day?
- Make Connections: Surrender to sleep instead and you might find fresh insight and solutions when you wake up. Long-term research shows that while you sleep your brain strengthens relevant associations and weakens irrelevant links. Forget something important? Sleep can help you restore the memory.
- Improve Memory: REM sleep helps your brain consolidate the activities, skills, and memories picked up during the day. It also helps you sort through your experiences and their details in context so you can use them again someday.
- Sound Smart: Sleepy people repeatedly have trouble conveying ideas and finding the right words.
- Make Change: Sleep helps you adjust to unforeseen changes while sleeplessness impairs your ability to make flexible decisions.
Resources for More Information about Sleep Deprivation:
The Franklin Institute: Renew – Sleep and Stress
Fast Company: Advice for Executive: Get Some Sleep!
