Can You Say “No”?
ByBy Ann Yaggie, Certified Coach & Executive Consultant
I admire people who seem to have a natural ability to guiltlessly decline requests or offers. As my appreciation for the skill of saying “no” has grown, I’ve also noticed that the people who are comfortable saying “no” are also often better at regulating their own stress and staying calm.
At this point it’s probably obvious that signing up for too many things is the cause of many an overwhelmed schedule. Whether at home, with friends, in the community, or at work many of us suffer from an inability to say “no.” Luckily, this life-balancing skill can be developed with the help of some deceptively simple steps.
Why Do We Resist Saying “No”?
The truth is, many people often avoid saying “no” because they feel that to do so would make them selfish, lazy, or vulnerable. More often than not, these fears are unfounded and unhealthy. Despite these fears, saying “no” can actually be a good thing. It allows us to honor our existing obligations. Instead of cramming more items onto your task list, saying “no” allows you to devote quality time to your preexisting commitments and avoids the stress of an overworked schedule.
Don’t allow a fear of the reaction or opinion of others to prevent you from doing what is best for you—focus on what is necessary to establish your own healthy balance. If saying “yes” might prevent you from feeling happy and balanced, then it’s time to make a change.
When to Say “No”
Here are a few ways to decide what to toss and what to keep:
The Post-It Note Test
I often suggest this exercise to my clients who struggle with schedule overload.
- Write down each task you’re concerned with completing in the next few weeks on a separate post-it note.
- After you have compiled your post-it note tasks, organize these tasks into major categories such as “home” and “work”. Use categories that make sense for what you need to focus on in order to feel successful in the next few weeks.
- Weigh the importance of every task that’s on your to-do list (whether this list is in your mind or on paper).
- Eliminate the post-its that don’t fit into your main categories, or which stand out as obviously unnecessary.
The Stress-to-Yes Ratio
Another easy way to decide if something is yes-worthy is to weigh the stress-to-yes ratio. Is the task worthy of the stress it will cause you? I often find that my initial impulse is to put a lot more effort into basic and unimportant tasks than is necessary.
Give Up the Guilt
Never say “yes” because of guilt or obligation. Living your life like this will only lead to added stress and dissatisfaction.
Step Away and Reflect
If faced with a particularly difficult request that has you on the fence, it’s always wise to allot extra time for reflection as a last precaution. Avoid impulsive responses by taking a step away from the situation to weigh preexisting obligations and feelings. You can “step away” simply by asking if you can respond at a later date.
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